- One thing I love during the last week of Christmas, is going to the store and smiling at all the grumpy people who hate that they are at the store picking out presents for people in all the crowds.
- I love finding something that my kids like at the store, letting them play with it as we walk through the store, making them put it back, then grabbing it while they're not looking (and still crying of course) and hiding it in my cart to buy and give them for Christmas. Their tears are like tears of future joy :) I can't wait to see Noah when he opens his toy guitar :) he was so sad to have to leave it there.....
- Today was insane!! (12-22-10) Erika woke me up with her vomit. How nice is THAT! I thought it was probably because of the candy the night before (considering there was a starburst wrapper that had come back up), so I fed her a plain pancake, and possibly because of the dryness of it (or because she's really sick, not sure yet) she threw up again. She had diarrhea a lot too, but anyway. She was in need of SO much attention all day. It's been a while since anyone was sick. I really shouldn't even complain about it because we've been so lucky all winter, but it was just so hard to get anything done. Anything besides catching up on all of our Word World, Magic School Bus, Phineas and Ferb, and iCarly episodes (in that order, over and over again) that is. Not exactly how I had planned to spend Christmas break, but whatever. I'm hoping she was just overloaded with sugar or teething. Nobody else has gotten it yet, but we'll see. Hopefully if anyone does it can just go straight through to everyone and we can be done with it before Christmas Day. I can hope right? Anyway- my poor sweet Erika gave me lots of loves and cuddles today and that was the good thing about it all :)
- Also on the 22nd, I received a text from my Dad telling me that he and Pam had gotten married while they were in San Diego! So it's official! Kind of a bummer that we didn't get to see it all, but at the same time- HALLELUJIAH! We didn't have to do all the wedding crap. Don't get me wrong, I love weddings, just not weddings for my parents. It's just not my favorite. Rude huh. Oh well. I'm happy for them! They do seem really happy. Especially in the video of Pam smashing the cake in my Dad's face at her house a few days later. Funny stuff. I don't know if I've ever seen anyone get my Dad first! This should be interesting :)
- I finally made
- I failed again. Ugh. Well, I know I didn't really "fail" I just feel like I did. I let Heavenly Father down I guess. Today is Sunday. I felt prompted to make a comment in RS and never made it. I even got all nervous and my heart started pounding, which is usually what has to happen in order for me to make a comment. And I told Heavenly Father I would make the comment if he would please just help me to calm down. He did. And I didn't. I am not good at opening up in a new ward. But I really wanted to tell the story about us moving back to Utah. There are a lot of faith building experiences involved with that week and a half. It was a huge event. Maybe I'll tell the story again on here to make myself feel better. Anyway. I totally let myself down in RS, got all frustrated with Erika in Sunday School. I have NO idea what is wrong with this little girl. Well, I do have an idea, but "teething" doesn't really cut it for her behavior. She's OUT OF CONTROL!! And I even limitted the sugar intake for the last two days. I need to figure out what to do with her screaming. She's only 1, I've never had to deal with this at such a young age. The vinegar doesn't seem like such a good idea for her, but I might resort to it if I can't think of something else soon. So she drove me to my last nerve and then the screams she let out the first minute of Sacrament meeting just pushed me over the top and we ditched it. I didn't want to go home because..... well, because I like being at church! So we went to the RS room and listened to it in there for a while. Went back into the foyer to get the sacrament then back into the RS room. It was just more than I could handle today for some reason though. Erika could not make up her mind what she wanted. Stand, sit down, put me down, hold me, stand up...... screaming through it all.... I gave up. I totally gave up. There were only 20 minutes left and I just packed up our things and started leading the kids to the door. We stopped in the foyer for a half a minute, just to see if we could stay there for a little while and like I said, it was only a half a minute before I just gave up again. We got out to the car and of course the car battery was dead. Again. I hate that thing. So since nobody was in sight (during Sacrament meeting and all, the last hour of church), we just walked home. It was all snowy and cold, Charity's shoes were not even covering her toes, but I made us all walk home. Left the car there. It was so nuts. I hate that I went home. And then I was grumpy all the rest of the evening. Didn't even cheer up that much for my Mom and Simon when they came for dinner. I feel like a crappy mom and a crappy person. I hate that. So anyway. I just thought it would feel good to get this off my chest and since Nate's still at work.... lucky for him though I guess :) Well, that's all.
Well, actually I think I do want to tell my story about our move back. Maybe that will help me feel better anyway. It was such an awesome thing. So here it is:
We got buddy tickets from my awesome Sister-in-law Sarah. We had only ever felt like they were a miracle. Just dropped into our hands from our father in Heaven. It really couldn't be explained any other way. And we knew we were taking our chances using those, but we didn't worry about it one single bit because we knew that they were a gift and a miracle. We had planned to fly out the week and two days before Christmas. We had shipped most of our stuff beforehand and only had clothing in our 16 pieces of luggage that we were planning on flying with. Our plan was to get back to Utah on the 17th, shop when we got here, so we had nothing for the kids before that. The night before we were supposed to leave, we received a huge suitcase FILLED with gifts for the kids. Someone had doorbell ditched it for us. SO thoughtfully. We cried about that of course, because it really was huge for us. We had money, but not a whole lot. It was really just awesome. Then the Manwarings fed us dinner, the Tuias offered us comfortable clothes since they had found out we were going to wear our Sunday clothes (we were flying standby, it's better to dress nice), gave us a bag of goodies, and the Hickoks and Tuias slipped Nate a wad of money and then they all helped drive us to the airport. We had so much stuff we couldn't do it ourselves. Our one friends, the Manwarings, had consented to letting us leave our minivan with them, while we tried to sell it after we left, so they drove us as well. We were praying so hard for a safe trip. We sat there in the airport, anxiously waiting to hear if we would make it on that flight, or if we would have to wait for a different one to open up. We prayed really hard, but all along I KNEW we would get out of there. I KNEW that Heavenly Father had given us those buddy passes (I forgot to mention how cheap they had been.... $50 a piece, as opposed to the regular $300+ EACH that it normally cost). As the time went, we talked to some of the people at the airport and realized that our chances were almost none. We STILL just KNEW that we were going to make it on the flight, by some miracle. We kept praying. It was intense. And really nerve-racking, especially considering the consequences and what would have to happen next. Well, as I"m sure you know (or might remember) we didn't make it on that flight. Our hearts literally sank when the plane took off. It was so devastating. We loaded up our four little kids and started to try and make a plan. Right then, we saw some people from our ward. They had been really new, but we knew them a little. They had been there to forfeit tickets. They purposely bought tickets for Christmas time knowing that the flights would be SO BOOKED that they would be able to give them up and receive a free hotel stay and restaurant vouchers for giving them up. This is something they had done in years past I guess. So anyway, they GENEROUSLY offered their hotel voucher to us. Totally gave them up to our helpless selves. We really had no where to go (thanks to our crappy landlord who even though we were being charged for the rent still, had gone in and torn the place apart so that we could not go back there). They even drove us to the hotel (since we didn't have our car). This was all at like 3:00 in the morning too mind you. So we stayed the night in a tiny little hotel room, got up and loaded everyone up to give it another try at the airport. I can't believe how hard we had prayed through that all. And to be let down so hard..... it was really difficult to get up the next day and try again. But we still had some hope left. We went to the airport. Found out that they had almost junked our luggage because we had not picked it up the night before (who knew we had to??), then went through all the airport shenanigans a second time. We waited and waited but all the praying the world didn't help. We didn't make it on that flight either. We saw the same friends from the ward though, and they put us up for yet another night in a hotel with their vouchers. It was REALLY hard to go back to that hotel. And I'm not just talking about the emotional part of it. We had ALL of our luggage!!! We had to do a couple of trips. And that meant, taking the luggage to the hotel too. So we spent another night there, at least this time we had more clothes to wear and more toiletries, got up the next day and went for one more round in the punching bag of the airport. Emotionally we were drained! Physically we were completely fatigued. The money was really running out (what a HUGE blessing that money was!!!) and we were starting to wonder if we were EVER going to get out of Alaska. We missed yet another flight. Went back to the airport. This time on our own dollar, and started trying to formulate a plan of how we could drive home, take the ferry home, different options with real tickets (those were SO expensive though) It was just nuts!!! I don't think there are words to describe how Nate and I felt. It was the biggest loneliness I think we have ever felt. We really felt like Heavenly Father had led us astray. And I don't think we were ever mad at him, just mad that we had felt so good about everything up until then. And had never really pictured things going the way that they did. We were totally in this dark hole it felt like. This was about the time that we learned that there weren't even anymore flights out of AK on Delta (ANYWHERE) for the next two days. UGH!! That was really hard to learn. We then received the most amazing phone call from some angels who had put up the money to buy us tickets to fly back to Utah on Christmas Eve. WHAT A MIRACLE!!!! This immediately pulled us out of our hole. We were able to see again. It was so hard to think about not getting back in time to pull Christmas together ourselves, but we knew it was going to be okay and we were just grateful to be getting a second chance. Another miracle. We were very prayerful, and made sure to thank Heavenly Father for that and things felt better. I think we were in the hotel one more night before we got the offer to stay at our friends, the Manwarings' house while they were out of town for the night. They are such saints! I still just don't know what we would have done without the Manwarings. The whole time we lived there, they were our personal Saints. So we hauled all of our crazy luggage and kids up to their house. Slept in their bed even (I was 8 months pregnant with Noah at the time), and used their whole house. It was such a blessing. I dont' know what we would have done without them for that, we were completely broke. All we had was like $100 left on our food stamp card. So this came as a huge blessing. When they returned they offered to let us just stay there until our flight in 4 more days. It was not something I wanted to do. I hate imposing. But we seriously had no other choice. I know they were inspired to offer and that it was a huge sacrifice on their part to share their quiet home with a family of 6 during the last week before Christmas. But they did it. They are Saints. They made us so comfortable. Charity and Nick even let us sleep in their bed while they slept on an air mattress. If I hadn't been pregnant I never would have done that, but that in and of itself saved me as well. I have a hard enough time sleeping in a bed when I'm pregnant. So that was huge. They let us join them in all of their busyings. Made cookies, had dinner together, shared their food, their bathrooms, their Christmas shopping, their love. They even shared their family party with us on the night of the 23rd. We all drove up to Charity's sisters house where everyone in the family treated us like they had known us forever. Made us feel so welcome, shared their games, food, and fun. It was such an amazing experience. I still can't think about this whole thing without being overwhelmed with a sense of reverance. The whole thing was just incredible. It was a miracle. We felt so much love from our friends and so much love from our Father in Heaven, knowing that he had sent us to them. It was an amazing way to spend our Christmastime. The 24th came though, we recieved MORE help getting to the airport (again). Helped us pay for some of our luggage that weighed too much, and gave us their sweet goodbyes. It was a much calmer feeling knowing that we were going to be getting on a plane that night. The nervousness had left and we were simply just sad to be leaving these wonderful people and the beautiful state of Alaska. It did cross my mind several times wondering if moving was really what we wanted to do. But it was of course too late for that :) Our flight back we were actually in the company of a friend from the ward (not a coincidence in my opinion) who helped us a lot with the carry-ons and kids. Sure would have been a lot more awkward without him. That tender little mercy I will always be grateful for. The layover in Seattle as we hit midnight and thus Christmas Day was actually a really special thing. Nate had kept out a birthday gift he had bought for me way before. And surprised me with that there. The room for the kids in that airport was incredible. Another one of those tender mercies I hold dear to my heart. And we made it safely (with Andy's help) back to Utah. Where we were greeted with open arms from all of our family who had been so helpful and supportive of everything we had set out to do. It was incredible. Probably one of my favorite Christmases. And I still haven't even gotten to the part about how the house we had arrnaged to live in had been fully furnished (by family and friends) and all set up, complete with Tree and presents. It was such a sight to walk through the door of what we thought would be a completely empty house and to find a complete home all ready for us. I will never forget the love I felt at that moment. Heavenly Father has blessed us with such amazing family and friends. There were so many miracles that occurred during that week. It's really hard to think that it wasn't supposed to be that way. With all that went "wrong" for it to remain one of my most FAVORITE experiences ever.... Heavenly Father knows us all so well. He knows what we need and when. He knows how we will grow and he knows what will strenthen us. This experience strengthened me. We had NO MONEY, no job, not even a car for the first two days after getting here (and we lived in teh middle of no where too!), but we were so happy!!! I think even that first two months was a huge rollercoaster of moving in, looking for and starting a new job, having a baby, losing my Grandma, having a birthday party, and a baby blessing in one week and living off of nothing but the food storage that had been donated to the cause through all of this, I can't see anything but one big huge miracle that we survived. Heavenly Father blessed us SO MUCH!!!! My faith grew SO MUCH!!! It's incredible to me to think that had everything gone the way it was supposed to, we would have made it back to Utah that first night, bought our presents like we had planned, and it would have been a regular old Christmas that we never thought about again. Those millions of prayers of asking for things to work out would have been answered the way we wanted and we probably would have thought nothing of it. But instead, things went completely different, and instead we witnessed so many services, so many blessings, and so many miracles. Things that we will ALWAYS hold dear to our hearts. Things that we will never forget. And while I would have shortened this IMENSELY to share it with the RS today, this is why I wanted to share it. Because my faith did grow. Heavenly Father knows me and knows my Spirit. He knew that this experience would be one that was cherished. And I look back on it as a testimony of his love and his care. Thanks for reading if you did :) This is probably all written out in a few other places, and some of the details may be off, but either way, it's one of my pearls. And now I feel much better :)
2 comments:
Hannah saw Charity and was so excited! She has been telling everyone! She misses her. We miss you! The Lord blesses and strengths everywhere, huh? Keep those pearls!
I'm glad you can have that perspective, especially considering you could hate me for putting you guys through that. :) I think we were all praying so hard that they'd let you on those flights. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and sneaking up to my grandma's computer (cuz we didn't have one back then) to check the flights to see if you got on. I felt so terrible about it all, but I'm glad you learned so much from it.
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