CUB COMMITTEE MEETING
I went to my second meeting for scouts on Sunday. This was much anticipated! I was SO anxious to discuss the need for awards in our Pack meeting! I know that sounds silly, but I've suddenly become really passionate about the cub scouts and how things are run. Probably comes with the calling- who knows. I had never received an email back from Butch so the suspense was killing me. Luckily, he took it seriously and even had it on the agenda! He kept my name anonymous so that nobody was mad at me for bringing up something that had already been discussed a while ago, which was interesting, because eventually it became obvious it was me, but whatever. So the good news is- they're bringing back awards to Pack Meeting! Wahoo!! I'm happy :). Funny thing is- the Primary counselor from Country Lane ward approached me after the meeting to tell me that her President was planning on separating their Primary from the Super Pack for Pack meetings starting in January! So I think we will too- that will be AWESOME! I'm probably not supposed to tell anyone yet, so if there happens to be someone reading this- pretend you don't know- but I don't think anyone pertinent does. Anyway. This is all very good news! 10-30-16
THE AFTERMATH
I'm kidding about the heading- I was really nervous for the day after Halloween and what it would entail. I could imagine sick/tired/unmotivated- sugared up kids who couldn't wake up/couldn't hurry and get ready/didn't want to go to school/not able to find things.... you know. But it went just fine! The kids all got up, got ready and we were even on time for school! This was a beautiful beginning to what turned out to be one of the most productive days I've had in a VERY long time! It was AWESOME! I felt bipolar or something, like I'd come out of a down and was having an up! I got SO much done. And Molly took the world's longest nap so it was all allowed! I wasn't neglecting her! Jack on the other hand... but it was a screen day so it was okay. SO anyway. Very cool! Felt good to get so much done! I hope I can keep the momentum! 11-1-16
HAPPINESS VS. JOY
The concept that happiness and joy are two different things has been on my mind a lot lately. Must have been in a talk or something- I don't know- but I wanted to get some feelings down. I've been struggling a lot lately with some mild depression and feeling like there isn't much in my life that is truly satisfying. I was really happy with myself when I was able to put those feelings into words. The word "satisfying" was actually kind of satisfying if that's not too weird :). I've had a hard time enjoying the things that I normally do enjoy. It's been frustrating. Until recently I was starting to wonder if I was ever going to be able to pull myself out of this without those little things that would make me smile and make me happy. But thankfully, this comparison was brought to my attention and I have been able to recognize more joy in my life than I thought existed. I think happiness is about fun. It's about smiling and laughing and having a good time. It's about outings or relaxing or celebrations. These things were usually somewhat satisfying. I would plan, carry something out, enjoy it with everyone and feel completed for a moment. Like I had succeeded. This has been missing lately. I have been left feeling empty and open-ended. Like things never got closure so they would rest in my mind and start to circle. In a way that was really overwhelming (not the usual rethinking and over thinking that I do- that's normal for me:) ). This was just as I said, really dissatisfying. BUT when I think about the meaning of joy--- Joy is the happy that Heavenly Father wanted most for us. Peace, love, the Spirit. It's the stuff that eternity is made of. The comfort that the Holy Ghost can bring. THIS is what I think joy is, and what Heavenly Father really wants us to feel. Joy is what is still existing in my life right now! And that is a very good thing. Joy is what I feel when Nate smiles at me. Joy is what I feel when my kids are getting along. Joy is what I feel when I finish cleaning up a room and can sit and feel the Spirit filling it rather than clutter. Joy is what I feel when the little sunbeam says his own prayer to begin Sharing Time. Joy is what I feel when I see Nate walk through the front door from a long day at work. Joy is the hugs and kisses after family prayer and the fun handshakes and secret waves as my littles go off to school. Joy is the snuggles with Molly when I'm rocking her to sleep. Joy is what I feel when Nate and Molly are teasing each other :). Joy is what I feel when I get a funny text from a good friend. Joy is what I feel when I look at pictures of my kids and know that they will be mine forever. These are the things that bring me comfort, peace, and feelings of love. These still exist! Maybe I'm not feeling the happiness that the things this life has to offer, and maybe I never will, but it's been such a relief to recognize that JOY, the most valuable kind of happiness, is still here! And going strong. And even if I don't smile or recognize it in the moment, or feel overwhelming satisfaction from it- that comfort, peace, and love is far more worthwhile and long-lasting. It's such a great blessing to think about these things and be able to come up with even more each day. It's really pulling me out of this hole in a way that feels more permanent. I am so grateful for that. I'm so grateful we have joy! I'm so grateful we have peace, love, and comfort from a Heavenly Father who has the whole picture in front of Him. He knows me. He knows what I need. He is aware of what I am thinking and feeling and he wants me to be able to feel joy regardless of what my situation is. He loves me!! Knowing that is pure joy. What an amazing life we have here. Anyway. I can't say this is always right at the tip of my mind, and I am still struggling more often than not, but hopefully I can bring this to a more accessible place in my mind and lean on it when I'm feeling weak. I'm so grateful for my family- my sweet husband and my adorable kiddos- I really don't know what I'd be without them. Probably a big huge mess :). I hope I can get my mind in the best place to give them what they need. There's definitely a brighter light at the end of the tunnel!! Thankfully. 11-2-16
WEDNESDAY
I don't know what else to call this post. Wednesday DAY was supposed to be really hectic and busy for me, but when Nate's mom called to see if we'd come up- I kind of cleared most of it out. So it wasn't too bad. Playgroup, PTA meeting, which I'll probably post about later, since it's been weighing pretty heavily on my mind. It was great to see Ruth and Russ- we got to visit him right after they took out the ventilator so that was pretty exciting. It was too bad that the oxygen mask was bugging him so much. He was very unhappy with it, kept asking us to take it off. That's pretty much all he wanted to talk about. It's gotta be so frustrating for him to wake up tied to the bed with tubes and things all over him. Poor guy. He did look way better though. When we got home from the hospital I just hit the couch. I had really hit a brick wall. I tried to sleep a little which is never very good on the couch- and it was time for me to start on dinner anyway, so I tried to get started on that, but I just couldn't do anything! I was having the hardest time functioning! I felt so crappy, headache, stomach ache, pretty much everything ached really and it was all unexplainable as far as I could tell. I just really wanted to sleep and not being able to find the cumin that I KNOW we have was basically the last straw. I tossed all the spices back into the cupboard and went up to bed. It's been a VERY long time since I did that- even counting this last pregnancy- so I think there was something really wrong. I slept for about 3 hours and then felt weird about sleeping the evening away and came down. Everyone (mostly) had gone to bed. Charity was still up stalling and Luke came up with a shoulder ache, but everyone else. And the house was all clean! It was amazing! Even Molly was sound asleep. I guess Nate had left Luke in charge while he went to YM and Luke got Molly to sleep. How nice is that! I had been so out of it I didn't hear a thing, they maintained things really well. I was so relieved. And a little bummed that it wasn't harder for them to replace me (just kidding :) ). Nate is amazing. So are my kids. I'm so lucky. 11-2-16
PTA
Okay, so I'm really stuck on this right now- I went to my PTA meeting, found out a few more things that I will be responsible for next year, mostly meetings- that's fine- but the thing that I can't get over is my dear, sweet, friend Jami. She is making me a little crazy :). She's so overwhelmed with life already and then getting called back into YW and everything else she has on her plate, and adding PTA to it is really stressing her out. It's hard to listen to her talk about it all- I know she has too much to do. I keep telling her I can find someone else and trying to let her off the hook or give her an out. She keeps saying that she will probably be okay, but that if she's not, she'll find someone else.... which I kind of feel like- if you're not going to do it- tell me so I can get someone else and they can get started. I understand where she's coming from and I feel really bad that I even asked her to do this- I thought we would both have emptier plates with no YW at the time. But anyway. So after the meeting, I was trying to run a few ideas by her and I'm learning that she just doesn't really want to do anything new next year. She's wanting to slim things down, not add more to the picture. Which is kind of frustrating to me. If I'm going to go to the trouble of being the President, I'd like it to be a productive experience. I'd like to make things better rather than just leave them the same. I think things are fine right now, no big complaints, but there's always room for improvement, or just new ideas!! So I personally have started to get a little excited about PTA and what we could possibly accomplish next year, but I feel like Jami is just wanting to get it over with. I wish she was trying to get excited about it or wanting it to be a good experience and not just something we endure and rush through. I get that it's going to be a lot of work and I'm pretty sure I have no idea how much or how stressful it will be, but if I'm going to do it- I'd like to do it all the way and do it well. I want to leave a good mark on the school. So anyway. Nothing against Jami- I really love Jami and think she's just so awesome. I think we're just not on the same page and don't have the same agenda. And that's my fault for not asking her what her plans would be or what direction she would go as co-president. I should have thought that out more. It's always weird for me to find out that not everyone feels the same way I do about things and some people are actually okay with how things are and don't feel the need to change it. So I guess we'll see how things go. I hope I can just carry on and do what I want while maintaining a good relationship with her and not overwhelming her more. We'll see. 11-3-16
PRIMARY IN-SERVICE
We had our cool little dinner for all the Primary workers. Nate made the meat of course, Terrie talked about all the housekeeping things, Natalie showed a video clip and spoke, Barbara spoke- and actually gave a really cool analogy about her silk comforter from China- so cool! and I did nothing really. We had decided it would just be Terrie and Barbara, so I'm not sure how it evolved and why I didn't get the memo. I probably looked stupid and uninvolved, but whatever. It was a good night. It was a lot of fun talking with Barbara in the kitchen before it started. She's so awesome! 11-3-16
BIRTHDAY TABLES WITH ERIKA!
This was Erika's fist time as a school kid- having lunch at the birthday tables. It was so fun to see her being the big kid :). She was so cute about what she wanted to eat, and had a hard time deciding, but Wendy's kids meal and Pizza Pie Cafe dessert pizza it was :). Luckily Jack, Molly and I were able to deliver :). The PPC guy seriously almost screwed it up, giving me change for a $20 instead of the $50 I gave him! That would have been disastrous if I hadn't noticed! Good thing I did :). It was fun to sit by Becky too, and spend some time with them. Erika was excited about the pencil and was "SO FULL!!!" when she was done, so she couldn't even finish her pizza dessert :). But she was so sweet, not sure if she should tell me she wanted to go to recess :). I totally get it! Cute, sweet girl, I can't believe she's going to be another year older next week!! 11-4-16
YW LATE NIGHT
Charity and Kelly got to go to a fun "Young Women Retreat" on Friday night. For six hours!! They seemed to have a really great time! It was a good thing I wasn't a leader this time because I could not stay awake to save my life! I was so tired for some reason. I texted the girls and told them to wake me up when they got home! At like 10:30!!! Kinda weird for me. But I was planning on going running the next morning and that usually makes me tired just thinking about it. I'll have to have the girls journal about their fun. I'm so grateful for YW leaders who sacrifice time with their families to make those things happen. 11-4-16
DONUTS
For our movie night, since we don't have enough treats in the house, we went and got free donuts from Krispy Kreme with report cards. We watched Ice Age Collision Course from Vidangel. The kids LOVED it!! I was smiling the whole time just listening to their laughter! 11-4-16
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