I finally decided to post this. Not for anyone else, just for myself. This is the talk I gave in Stake Conference on August 28th 2011. I'm pretty sure that was the most nerve-racking thing I've ever done, and hopefully I'm exempt from giving any other talks in the near future :). I had 2 months to plan and write this talk, and it ended up being WAY too long. I had WAY too much information and it was difficult to cut it down to fit in a 7 minute talk. I gained such a strong testimony of Reverence. It's funny how giving a talk can do that. I love thinking that by showing Reverence to my Savior and his Gospel, and toward my Heavenly Father, I can become a better person. I loved being able to show my Heavenly Father my love by giving this talk, and for that I was grateful for the opportunity. Not only was it a witness of my testimony and my faith, it was strength to my testimony and faith of the love he has for me and that he would not ask me to do something so horribly difficult without standing right by my side through the whole thing. I really couldn't have done the talk, or the 2 months before, without his constant watch. It really was an amazing experience. I hope I did what he wanted, said what he wanted, and was able to teach with the Spirit. Here is my talk:
The topic I was given to speak on is Teaching Reverence in the Home and Demonstrating Reverence in our Church Meetings. This topic scared me! I have six little kids and I've walked out on a LOT of meetings with screaming kids and kids upsidedown with their bare feet up in the air! I really wasn't sure what I was going to say about reverence. Or how you all might take it coming from me. But the words from a Primary song came to my mind. Reverence is more than just quietly sitting, it's thinking of Father above, a feeling I get when I think of his blessings, I'm reverent for reverence is love. And Marion G. Romney defined Reverence as a profound respect, mingled with love and devotion.
This simplified things a little bit for me and pulled my attention away from the disruptive behavior, or irreverence that was clouding my mind. Love, respect, and devotion.
An example of how to teach these principles to young children stood out to me. I was in my son Bradley's nursery class one Sunday. At one point, The teacher announced that it was picture time. The kids all got very excited and crowded around her. I watched with anticipation to see what picture time was. She passed out laminated pictures of Jesus from the Gospel Art Kit. From the pictures of Baby Jesus, to the one of Him on the cross. They were all very pleased with the one they had. She got their attention and then said, "Who is in your picture?" and all the kids answered, "Jesus!" Then she proceeded to tell them in plain and simple terms, "Jesus is our friend. He loves us. He wants us to be happy." I loved the Spirit that joined us at that point. Then as she finished, she told the children to give their picture a hug and a kiss. This was weird at first, but as I saw the looks on the kids' faces, it seemed so natural and so sweet. I was amazed at the power of that pure and simple message that clearly had been taught every Sunday so that they could learn and feel the importance of our Savior in a way that they would understand. It was just beautiful. That to me is reverence. I'm sure those tiny little nursery kids were not being what we would normally call "reverent". I'm certain there were giggles and shouting, but they were being taught the love and respect and devotion that will lead them to reverent behavior. And the Spirit was there.
Sounds like Reverence really is a way of life. In order to teach it we have to develop it. Then exemplify reverence as parents and as members of the church in our everyday lives.
I believe that if we prayerfully seek for an answer, Heavenly Father will help us to know what particular things our families can work on. It is different for every family and we will all work at a different pace. But it starts with the parents and their examples.
I've been given a lot of advice over the years and I found some ideas in conference talks on how to help your family demonstrate reverence in church. Here's my list:
1. Make sure everyone has had enough sleep, enough to eat, and enough attention. Parents and kids alike.
2. Plan ahead. Use Saturday as a day to get ready for Sunday. The physical things, like clothes and cleaning the house, so you're not rushed, but also get ready spiritually. Having the whole family participate will show our children how we feel about the Sabbath. And that we want the Spirit to be there.
3. Consistant attendance. This is good for the kids, in creating habits, but also, as parents helps us to become more aware of what the problems are and come up with solutions.
4. Clear Expectations. We had some friends whose children were famous for how quietly they could sit through meetings. Their secret was that if their kids are not reverent at church, they have to practice being reverent when they get home, by sitting still for 10 or 15 minutes. After only a few weeks of needing to practice, all it took was a reminder of what the consequences would be, and they would sit quietly. I think most importantly, they learned what is expected of them and they know what sitting quietly feels like.
Another example I'll never forget was one Sunday when my 1 year old Luke was dragging me through the halls during Sunday School as he always did. We ran into a member of the Bishopric who lovingly gave me some advice. He told me that when his kids were little and he would have to take them out of a meeting, he never let them out of his arms. He didn't want them thinking that the halls were any different. They still had to be reverent. At the time that this advice was offered, it was very unwelcome. I couldn't have been more annoyed with it! And I don't remember even trying it with Luke. But when I tried it with my next son, Noah, it was a huge blessing and actually worked. Every kid is different, so expectations will be different. Figure out what you expect of your children and make sure they know what it is.
Number 5 took us a while to figure out, but it really can be helpful for some kids. Limit the amount of teaching tools you bring. We have some friends who from day one with their kids, never brought any toys, treats, books, nothing! to church. Their kids were next to perfect from where I was sitting. While I thought that was admirable of them, we were in the habit of bringing a huge backpack FULL of things to entertain our kids, so we didn't really try it back then. We've slowly weaned ourselves from most of it, we bring very little now, and our row is less like the circus.
6. Learn the hymns as a family so that your children are familiar with them and can enjoy them in the meetings.
7. Teach your children the sacredness of the sacrament. Give them ideas of things they can do to focus on the blessings and covenants made at baptism. In my cute little CTR 7 class the kids were asked what they can do during Sacrament meeting to help them think of Jesus and be quiet, and cute little Elena answered, "I could read my scriptures". Made me think that I just might be underestimating these little ones. How simple. I loved that answer.
One thing to keep in mind while struggling with an irreverent child is that we are not only teaching a child his first lessons in reverence, but the child may be mastering his first attempts at self-discipline. A skill that will bless them their entire lives. It's not something that's going to come easy. So reward your children when they do well. Whether it's just a simple, "Thank you for sitting quietly" or a sticker on a chart.
Even if we do everything we can to teach our kids how to act at church, it's useless if we're not setting the example first. Let's all make sure we are as reverent as we want the children to be, before, during and after our meetings.We are not perfect. Our kids are not perfect. Nobody is perfect at showing reverence. I hope that we can all cut each other a little slack, give each other a little more room for error, and that we can also put forth a little more effort toward applying these principles to ourselves and then teaching them to our chilren. This can lead us all toward reverence and quieter meetings.
President Packer told us the blessings we can receive from being reverent. He said, "While we may not see an immediate, miraculous transformation, as surely as the Lord lives, a quiet one will take place. The spiritual power in the lives of each member and in the Church will increase. The Lord will pour out his Spirit upon us more abundantly. We will be less troubled, less confused. We will find revealed answers to personal and family problems."
These seem like such huge blessings from something as simple as reverence. By small and simple means are great things brought to pass. I testify that even the smallest steps toward having more reverence in your heart, and teaching it to your children, will make a difference in your home and in your life. We are repsonsible to teach our children reverence for our Savior, reverence for His Gospel, and reverence for our role in the Plan of Salvation. On the church website it said: Reverent behavior includes prayer, scripture study, fasting, and payment of tithes and offerings. It includes having wholesome thoughts, wearing modest clothing, and using clean, wholesome language. The depth of a person's reverence is evident in his or her choice of music and other entertainment, in the way sacred subjects are spoken of, and in the way the person dresses and acts when attending church services and worshiping in the temple. Reverence also includes making righteous choices even when no one is watching. Reverence for the Lord leads to serving other people and treating them with kindness and respect.
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