Journaling

- Sunday was our Primary Program.  We scrambled to practice parts with the little ones that morning and both Noah and Luke had memorized theirs!  I was happy that they are as good at memorizing as their older sibs.  Charity and Kelly both knew theirs a long time ago.  Bradley's was longer and since it was a journal entry he had recorded in his scriptures, he read his.  It was a lot of fun to watch them, as always.  This is by far my favorite Sacrament meeting.  I get chills and all giddy when my kids brave the pulpit and perform with such ease.  They really amaze me.  I enjoyed watching Noah on the front row, couldn't hardly hold still, but he was trying so hard to be reverent.  He rejected Jaylee's hand-holding several times which was hilarious, and even sang some of the songs.  They all sang so well, and looked so good up there.  Make their Mommy proud!  I was feeling a little weird about it since I had prepared so much of it before being released, and I wasn't really sure how much of mine they had used, or if they just threw it all out and started over.  I guess I didn't really care either way, it was just a little bittersweet for me to not be there doing it.  But it turned out they used most of what I had planned out, with only a few alterations, so that was kind of fun.  I had spent so much time interviewing and visiting with the kids to be able to write things they had actually thought up and said themselves, that I wanted to hear them that way.  It was a lot of fun.  I'm glad things worked out.  10-28-12

- Monday was the Maynes Family Halloween Party.  I took my camera, but for some reason didn't take any pictures :(.  But we did have a really great time.  We ate soup and rolls (yep, 3rd night in a row for us :) ).  Then the kdis got to do a few games, frosted some cookies and then we all went outside for a little Trunk-or-Treat in Lynn and Ali's circle.  It was a lot of fun.  I am always happy to have such a great family for my kids to spend their holiday gatherings with.  They have so much fun!  10-29-12

- Tuesday we took it easy!  Rested up for the big day ahead :)  And then Tuesday night, I wore a hole in my pants between my legs where they rub together.  Maybe this is more than I should share, but I need to remember it.  I had one pair of pants that fit me- my fat pants- and now they had a hole!  I really didn't want to go buy pants!!  I hate the thought of staying this size.  I don't want to buy clothes that fit me now!  But I needed some pants, so I went shopping.  Nate was nice enough to tell me to get a few things.  It should have been a really pleasant evening, out shopping all by myself, but instead I was totally depressed!  I had to keep leaving the dressing rooms in search of bigger and bigger pants.  I've reached an all time low with my body image.  I totally got all bitter and started feeling like it was really unfair that in order to have children, and do the thing that we're commanded to do, I have to get fat.  It's really frustrating.  And since I was unable to lose anything after Erika I've been even more discouraged.  But as I was thinking this, the Spirit whispered to me, "you know it's not just because of the pregnancies".  I was totally hit with the reality that I got myself this way because of my poor habits too.  It was a rude awakening.  But it was really motivating and I am just so pumped to do better!!  I've recommitted myself to the no sweets/no candy thing again, and I am going to be better at eating healthy.  I've been working out now and hopefully things will look up soon.  I'm hopeful.  And I'm going to put forth the effort I need this time.  I want to take care of my body.  It's not just about looking good too, it's about feeling good and I want to.  So anyway.  There's my little wo is me.