Emma would have killed for a place like this....

Okay, so I'm having a lame day. I feel completely unmotivated, and mostly discouraged by anything and everything. I'm sure it will pass, but I had to write about the thoughts I had yesterday in Relief Society and Sunday School... maybe it will help boost my spirits... who knows.

So the lesson was on Joseph Smith's feelings of his mission as Prophet, and the teacher put on a movie (normally I frown on the movie thing because I have a hard time focusing on movies and don't usually get much out of them, but not this time), I have no idea which one it was, but it was amazing! There were different clips from his life, and from the lives of Hyrum's and some quotes from different prophets and such.... the MAIN thing that I kept noticing and focusing on was the fact that he had a REALLY HARD LIFE!!!! And the thing that stood out a lot to me was that Emma was right by his side going through most of it with him, and supporting him through it all. She was the perfect example of how a wife should be, in my opinion. I couldn't help but feel really stupid for all my complaining about having to live in a basement and having to be patient with the career getting. I realized that she went through SO MUCH MORE than I EVER will. He was rarely home. He was tortured. They lost children because of the persecution, and other reasons. She was always there for him when he came home, and she was always supportive of his calling. I don't have any room to complain. I have Nate home everyday, for more than most wives. I don't have to worry about whether he will be dragged out of our home in the middle of the night and tarred and feathered. And I don't have to worry about what kind of affect this could have on my children. Nate has a good job, we have money, we have a home, we have food.....etc. As much as I would love to be in my own house, decorating it and having Christmas there, this is a home. We have everything we need. I think Emma would laugh in my face if she heard me complaining about how small it is, or how much I wish it was different. I feel bad. So anyway, everytime I start to feel those negative thoughts rolling in about how long it's taking and how we were only supposed to be here a few months, I stop myself and remember this. I have no idea what her home was like, or how impossible it was to wash clothes in a bucket, but I'm grateful to have what I have. And I will be grateful until that blessed day when we are finally able to be in our own home..... till then!
Then in Sunday School we were talking a little bit about Service (I'm not sure what the topic was, I was kind of in and out with Erika). Serving God, Self, Family, and Community. An elderly gentlman made a comment about how Women/Mothers are the ultimate when it comes to serving family. He talked a lot about how he watched his wife do so much for his children, meals, compassion for owies, driving them around from thing to thing, tucking them in bed....etc. He went on and on really. He was impressed with how much one woman could do and how much that resembled the Savior in her willingness to forget herself and serve her family. I loved what he said about his wife, and I thought it was really sweet of him, but I really couldn't help but feel like it wasn't quite the same for Nate and I. Nate is ALWAYS there for me. He is ALWAYS helping and ALWAYS doing what he can to make things run smoothly around here. I don't feel like I am like that man's wife.... I don't do everything, not by myself. I have Nate. He really does carry a lot of the load, along with his own job. So anyway, this lesson made me more grateful for what he does. I know that it isn't like this in everyone's home, I know that there are husbands out there that only carry part of the extra load. I know that I am blessed to have someone who is so willing to be there and take up the slack. I hope everyone knows how much I appreciate Nate, I hope HE knows how much I appreciate Nate, and I hope that nobody ever thinks that I take that for granted. I'm well aware of the fact that if it weren't for Nate, we wouldn't be able to have 6 kids (besides the obvious baby-making-ingredients), he does a lot more than a lot of husbands I know, and he makes it possible. I definitely couldn't do it on my own.
Okay, so then, today, I was reading someone else's blog, a friend of a friend, who underwent several tests, surgeries, researching, heartache, and you name it, for years and years, to get pregnant. She now has a little boy (probably her only little boy), and she wrote about it on her blog. It was heartwrenching to read what she went through. I feel like I've always been surrounded with people who have difficulty getting pregnant (if at all) and struggle with that trial. It's always been difficult for me to understand how the Lord decides to let that happen for certain people. I was told when I was 17 that it would "be difficult for me to get pregnant if at all", and I struggled with that news until I was finally holding my sweet little baby in my arms. But I got my baby. I can't imagine my life without my children. All of them are little miracles in my eyes. Little angels sent here to make my life worth living. I always pray for those who have difficulty, and I always wish there was something more I could do. It must be annoying for them to see us having kids like a couple of bunnies when they struggle so much. I'm sorry. This blog really made me grateful for the blessing of my children. Sometimes it's easy to feel overwhelmed or frustrated with them, but after reading what she went through to have her one son..... it will take a lot longer for me to get get frustrated and overwhelmed. I hope to be reminded of this often.... I know I am weak and struggle with my own trials, but that is one I don't know I would have survived.

There. I'm done. Wish me luck for tomorrow..... I think it will be better......