Reason to Smile

As many of you know, I have a tendency to fall into this emotional hole every few weeks or so (sometimes more, sometimes less).  It's a really empty feeling.  I'm not happy, but I'm not really sad either, kind of emotionless.  Life seems boring and overwhelming at the same time, and pretty much everything bugs me.  Sounds like a lot, but it really does come and go, so it's mostly just frustrating.  It's something that I struggle with more than I feel I should, with how often it occurs.  But I think that these last few times, I have recognized it a lot sooner (not on my own, mind you), and I've been able to come up with ways to combat it.  This time, it happened after what I think was one of the best days we've had in a long time!  Go figure.  It lasted all night and into this morning.  I felt it coming on last night and knew what it was, but it was hard to fight it for some reason!  And as soon as the kids went to bed, I just sank.  I stayed up too long watching dumb shows, and then didn't wake up in time to work out, and this morning was just worse.  It's so weird to look back and see how it goes.  I know that my lack of exercise and my poor eating habits lately have put me in a vulnerable position with Satan and I've become a target.  Ever since we learned about the Word of Wisdom a few months ago, I've been reminded over and over again the blessings of healthy living.  A clean body and a clear mind are priceless blessings that I want to be worthy of.  So anyway.  I asked Nate for a Priesthood blessing just before hitting bottom this morning and it sure was a good thing.  It's too personal to share details, but I just wanted to record how beautiful the Priesthood blessings are in my life.  There really isn't anything else that works the way a blessing does, to pull me out of that hole.  I've never been one to recognize inspiration very well.  In fact, I don't think I receive revelation too many other ways besides through Priesthood blessings.  I know the Spirit speaks to me, but I think I'm too deaf to hear it sometimes.  I really am just so grateful for the Priesthood.  I'm so glad that I have a worthy Priesthood holder at my beconing call.  He is always so willing, and does it so lovingly.  If I were him, I'd take the oppotunity to just put me in my place, tell me I'm a baby and to suck it up and move on, but he is always so sweet and so gentle with my feelings in that setting.  I know that that is my Heavenly Father as well.  It's so important to me to know what he wants and needs me to do and become, and it's so nice to have that spelled out so clearly sometimes.  So anyway.  I feel much better now, and I have this new found motivation, and I'm really happy that I had such a quick turn around.  Gives me hope for the next time :). 

So one thing that did stand out to me in my blessing was that Heavenly Father counseled me to look for reasons to smile.  And this is something that I feel I go in and out of as well.  I have phases.  If any of you read this blog regularly, you know what I'm talking about ;).  But I thought I would share some of the things that did make me smile yesterday.  (well, one of them made me smile and then cry :)  But it was tears of joy :) ).  I'm mentioned  before how much Brad LOVES Fast Sunday because that means he gets to bear his testimony.  He's sort of started a fad (As far as we can tell) with the kids in the ward, there are always lots of kids who get up now.  I give the credit to Bradley :).  So in the last few months, he's influenced (just by example, not by persuasion or anything) Charity to do it as well.  Charity usually writes hers down and reads it, and she always does a really nice job too.  Yesterday, they both went up there and then about halfway through the meeting, Kelly took a turn as well!  This was one of her first times!  She wrote hers down, and read it like Charity does, and she had been working on it all through Church.  I love hearing all of my kids bear their testimonies and it makes me so proud that they get up there and do it on their own!  Kelly's testimony was so long and well thought out this week (and I managed to get my hands on her paper :) ) so I thought I would write it down here for our book.  If Charity every saves hers and lets me, I will be sure to share one of hers as well. 

"I know that the scriptures are true.  And I know that Jeses crist sacrifised his life so that we can be reserected  And I know that Josoph smith is a true prophet and he restored the gosple and I know that what the prophets say is true.  And I know that we can all be baptised and follow the camandmets and make our own disitions and make good choices.  I know we can all live with Heavenly Father and Jeses again and I know that we can always hae his spiret to be with us as we live on earth.  And I know that we can all go on a misson and teach about teh gosple and I know that you cannot serve god and serve the devil because they are two compleetly diferent people because God is good and the devil is bad so you must chose to serve only one of them.  And I know that we can all find our testimony and if we hae already found our testimony that we can share it to rices (righteous) people  And I know that we can all have his spiret to be with us and i know that my father in heaven loves me and I know the my family loves me to and they know that i love them and I know that we can all live with Christ and our heavenly father again.  In the name of jeses christ amen."

I just loved this!  And it really did bring me to tears.  I loved the part about serving to masters because we just went over that part of the Book of Mormon in our family scripture study and I was so happy that it took :).  It's always nice to get some feedback, to see something you've taught your kids come back in action.  I love that.  And I really loved the part about her family "knowing that she loves us".  We do know that Kelly loves us.  It's VERY obvious.  I'm glad she knew she didn't need to say it from the pulpit, but that she shows it on a daily basis.  She's such a sweetheart!

Another thing that really made me smile yesterday was the drawing Bradley made in his Primary class.  We were talking about Fasting and Sister Cox said to draw a picture of someone you would fast for if you were going to fast.  Bradley drew a picture of him and his Uncle Steve :).  It was funny because he wanted me to guess who it was and I guessed a few people, but I was out of ideas pretty quickly.  Then he said, "It's Steve!"  I jumped right on that because I had thought of Steve, but since his picture had a guy with short hair, I thought for sure it couldn't be Steve!  So I said, "NO!  Steve has LONG hair!"  Bradley was stunned.  Kinda like "Oh, yeah.  I guess he does have long hair.  Huh."  He quickly scribbled on some long hair and a hat :).  I think it's cute that Brad doesn't accentuate Steve's long hair in his mind ;).  Makes me happy.  And I loved that he said he would fast for Steve so that he can, "Go to church and quit smoking."  How thoughtful of my little 7 year old. 

The last thing I wanted to write about was just how cheerful and happy everyone was yesterday afternoon and evening.  We all took our naps and rested, and then the rest of the evening everyone was so pleasant!  There was so much order and calmness during dinner, we practiced passing the bowls and serving ourselves!  Everyone was very sweet and ate all their food, thanked me for it, then we all played in the living room, danced around to music, Charity read a Friend story to the little ones, we all had ice cream together and loved it :)..... it was just nice.  Very relaxing.