Losing our Girls

So yesterday really sucked. I hate to be so blunt, and I am not sure the details would even do it justice, it just really stunk the place up. My attitude was bad, I had no motivation, Luke was a pill, I was tired, the allergies are flaring up, the a/c in the car is not working, we didn't have any food and I didn't want to go shopping..... it goes on, all my whining and complaining. You know the kind of day I'm talking about I'm sure. I'm certain we all have them and yet they still seem so devastating at the time for some reason. I feel like I used to have these days figured out, and I was really good at getting on top of it all and making the most of it while keeping in mind that tomorrow would be better. I'm not sure what's happened (other than the pregnancy/lack of sleep stuff), but I have almost no control over my emotions on these kinds of days and I just end up being mad. Okay, so anyway. This post was not supposed to be about my day.... I was just going to mention it to make a point later.
Here's the story:
Charity and Kelly had asked me since the first day of school if they could walk home. I am not comfortable with the idea of them walking so far, but I thought that a nice short little walk (part of the way home) might be nice for them. So I told them that if when they met up with each other, I wasn't there, they could START walking home. We talked about which way they would go, and it all seemed okay. Well, yesterday I was a few minutes late picking them up since I pick up Nate RIGHT before. When we pulled up to the school, and our meeting spot by the tree, they were nowhere to be found! We drove up and around assuming they had started walking, but we couldn't see them there either. For TWENTY FIVE MINUTES we drove up and down the streets that they would be on, back to the school, Nate went through the school, back to the playground.... we were obviously starting to get panicky. The annoying thing was that our car was really low on gas as well, and it didn't seem logical to stop looking for them to go get gas, but we didn't want to run out of gas either. We called Steve to see if he could aid in the search and he was willing (what a good uncle!). So we continued driving. I have to admit I was just really freaking out inside. I had had such a rotten day already I couldn't imagine something really terrible happening to my girls and being able to handle it like an adult. It was awful. I said a lot of prayers. Bradley actually suggested that we offer a prayer too, and said a very sweet one. He was very cute about "we won't stop looking for them until we find them? right Mom?" I don't know if he was more concerned about when he could get out of the hot car, or finding his sisters :) but it was cute. Kids are so clueless in these situations I think :) Just oblivious to the fact that I am wondering if I will ever see my daughters again. So, just as we were about to go home and see if there was some gas in one of my Dad's gas tanks, I got the feeling to turn down a street that is NOT in the direction of home, and not on their route, but for some reason I thought they might go that way. I know now that it was the Spirit, but to be honest, I was feeling pretty awful that I had not been a better mom all day and been more in tune to the Spirit. I remember, right after turning down this street, saying a little prayer apologizing to Heavenly Father for not having the Spirit with me that day and at such a crucial time and when I needed it so bad. I started crying because the stress of my bad reactions to the day and this scary situation mixed just seemed overwhelming to me. I was sure that I was the reason I couldn't find them and that if I had been closer to the Lord I would have found them much sooner (it had almost been 40 minutes by this time). Well, I headed up a street that was again, WAY out of the way, explaining to Nate that I didn't think they would be that way, just a way to get home, and then not even a whole minute later we looked up the road, and there they were!!! I don't know if I've ever been more excited to see my girls in my entire life!!! (well, that's probably not true, but you get the idea :)) They came over to the car and asked where we had been and we asked them the same thing. They were pretty hot and tired. We tried really hard not to be too scary to them when we were asking them why they were SO far out of the way (it really wasn't their faults, just a miscommunication) but man, it's tough to think that your kids could be gone. Especially after reading about that girl who had been abducted and then found after 20 years!!! They were funny because I guess they had waited in one spot for a while not knowing which way to go, and then with some "help" from a friend they decided that if she could walk them to Rocket Park, that they would be able to find their way home. The kicker, however, was that this friend needed to take her back pack home first. She lived completely the opposite direction from Rocket Park :). And my girls would be completely lost in the area that she had taken them..... it was interesting. We've decided that starting to walk home is not my favorite idea and will be doing some rethinking in that area. They were so cute to think of Rocket Park, and actually not scared at all that they had gone so out of the way. I'm glad. At least they weren't freaking out and crying like me :) And I'm glad they have each other.
So anyway. I guess what I want to remember about this experience is that sometimes we are closer to the Lord than we think. There was no reason for me to think that they would have gone down that street, and there were tons of different directions that they could have taken. I'm so glad that Heavenly Father still felt like he could prompt me even though I was such a putz. I'm grateful for this little miracle, and I think it will definitely be a reminder as to why it is so important, as a mother, to be close to the Spirit. I don't think it was me, I know that Heavenly Father was there and I know that he led us to the girls. I'm grateful.