My Off Week is Over and Now it's Time for a Week OFF

All week I kept wanting to get my thoughts down. It was a REALLY tough week for me. Lots of negative feelings, bad attitude, too much complaining.... you get the picture. And if you know me you know that I can't just leave it unsaid, I've got to write it down so that I can use it to help me out later. So here it is.... but the nice thing this time is that I've already had my change of heart, I'm already back on the right track, and I'm ready to have a nice Spring Break.

I don't know if you know the situation with Nate's work. I can't remember if I posted it. Back at the beginning of February (or maybe it was the middle, I can't remember) Nate was told that he was going to have to change to a smaller facility. There's a long and painful story behind that that I do not wish to share.... but either way, this meant a move out of state. We were so careful not to complain. This was better than him not having a job at all like so many out there. Then we started to think of all the really great things that would come with this. Inexpensive houses, Nate working Tower (which he LOVEs), time on our own again like Alaska which we loved, being out of the basement!!! (don't get me wrong, this is definitely a blessing to be able to live here, it's just been a lot longer than I ever thought it would be).... Okay, so anyway, we got attached to the idea of moving. We were anxious, and nervous because we were told that he only had 30 days to get picked up by another facility. Nate busted his butt just flooding every possible facility with his ERR forms (stacks and stacks of paperwork, he's so amazing!). We were not wanting to limit our chances in anyway, we applied to any place that had either equal or lesser cost of living. We were up for whatever we could get! Trying not to be picky about where we would move. And generally speaking, I really was okay with just about anywhere. So then the waiting started. We were really impatient, everyday Nate would text me with all the places he had sent forms to that day. It was actually really an exciting time to think about where we could possibly end up. I started packing up some of the things we've had just laying around, not being used. I was getting really anxious to move. Well, this all came to a screeching halt when Nate was told by his Supervisor that the Union had threatened to file a greivance against the FAA (because he was so poorly trained) and to avoid that, they had decided to let him start over completely in a different area. That little treadmill I had been running on just stopped and I fell on my face! After a little thought and prayer, we've come to the conclusion that we will still leave the ERR forms out there. We will be up for an offer to go somewhere else since staying means starting over which to those of you who don't know how long he's been in training this will put us back where we were in October of 2008, when he got back from Oklahoma. The thought of this makes me sick since we were SO close to being done (in my head of course). If he were to go to a Tower somewhere else he could be done sooner (Tower controllers certify sooner than radar) Thus we could afford a house a lot sooner. Are you catching my drift? I just want a house I think. But either way, we've decided that we could still take an offer if one comes in and taht we need to just be grateful for this chance to keep his job even if he doesn't get an offer to another facility. We would have been out on the streets at this point had they not reconsidered. So that really is a huge blessing. I try to acknowledge that as much as possible. This does leave us with the chance to be pickier too, should an offer come in. We dont' have to just take whatever. In the meantime, Nate is the one busting his butt to learn a whole new area maps, acronyms, rules and all..... and to think I'm the one that's had the bad attitude lately.... he's so patient with me, and such a hard worker.... I don't know how he does it. He's not in love with Area B, and the people in it, but things are good enough. He's also got his mind on possibly moving too though, so it's a constant struggle to do his best. Basically we are in Limbo right now. 'Limbo Land' is what I've been calling it. I hate it. I want to get out of it. I realize that things could be SO much worse and many of you are probably disgusted with me right now for being so negative. I really just want to be done with the mooching off of my Dad, cramped in this basement stage. I got my hopes up so high that it just hurts coming back down.

This week has been one full of anger and tears. I felt lonely, sad, frustrated, claustrophobic, and sometimes just mad at the situation. It was all just too much for me this week and I did TERRIBLY at managing it. Frankly I didn't manage it. My poor kids. I feel a lot better today though. I think the upcoming break from the hurry and go mornings of taking the girls to school (as I'm saying this i realize how silly it is that the short little time it takes to get the girls ready and get them to school is one of the hardest things I do everyday, but it's true!) is making it easier for me to have a grip on reality. I love my family. I love my husband. I love that we have each other. I know that this time in my life is one that I need to enjoy and cherish and I want to. I want to be able to look back and know that I did what I could even though it wasn't my ideal situation. I know it won't be forever. And I know that I can do it.

Thanks for letting me get my thoughts out there. Sometimes it helps to see it rather than just feel it. I know I am much more rational on paper. My life is good. And it's nice to feel good again.