So Grandpa did it. He decided to get mad and leave. No, sorry, I'm kidding. That's something he used to say whenever you would start getting up to leave... "ya gonna get mad and leave?" It's so weird that he's gone. I don't have any more grandparents here.... in person.... makes me tear up just thinking about it. Grandpa was an AMAZING man though. And just like Bishop Bangerter said, we really are "lucky to be a part of his legacy." I will miss him, his wisdom, his jokes, his voice, his support, his encouragement, compliments, his constant interest in my life, and of course, his love. I know he lives and is in a better place, serving a much "higher calling". As well as being with his sweetheart again. I still get chills thinking about their reunion. I can totally see the smiles and brightness in their eyes as they are reunited. And to have their two boys again. I bet they're all together. I have a hard time making this post right now because I know my thoughts aren't perfectly collected on the matter, but I need to get some thoughts down now. I will probably add to it later.
Some of my memories of Grandpa:
- I love his love of learning. I remember when Alicia, Becky, Grandma and Grandpa, and I all went to the DUP Museum. It was one of our summer sleepover trips. We were walking through the place, looking at all the old stuff, and came upon a maintenance guy who was standing on a ladder, doing something with some tubing and was reaching up into the ceiling. Grandpa never let a moment like this pass him by, he walked right up to him and asked the man what he was doing. Well, we waited and listened for a few minutes, but kept on moving from room to room. It was at least 30, maybe 45 minutes before we saw Grandpa again. He caught up to us, filled us all in about what they were doing in the ceiling, and all the while, just FASCINATED with it all. I have no idea what it was that they were doing, but his enthusiasm for it left me smiling. He was like that with everything too. He never hesitated to ask a question.
- I loved showing off my kids to him because he would sit and watch them play and analyze their every move. Sometimes it was a little overwhelming. I remember him pointing out that my kids listen to their Dad much better than they listen to me, and him asking me why that is. But most of the time it was just fun to tell him all about them and their different personalities. And again he was fascinated.
- I remember all the years of playing piano at his house, he would sit there in the blue chair aimed right at the piano, watching me, making me nervous :), but whenever I would finish a piece (no matter how choppy it was) he would clap, and then proceed to tell me how baffling it is to him that people can follow the notes and move their hands to the keys all at once and so quickly. I loved that. He never grew tired of it either :)
- He was so patient with me when he was teaching me voice lessons too. I'm sure he still cringes when I sing, but it was nice time that we were able to share.
- I will never forget him teaching me how to dry the glasses. One time (and I think there was only 1) Grandma let me wash the dishes with Grandpa. We chatted and I think I remember being just a little shy. But when it came time to dry the glasses, he pointed out that it was probably easier for me to wash the insides because my hands were so small, but that he had learned a trick when he was young, that if you took the corner of the towel, shove it down into the glass, and then push the rest of the towel down inside, then twist the towel, you can dry the inside completely! It was a cool little trick even back then! I'm happy I still remember that. I guess it's because I think about it every time I dry the dishes that it's still with me, but just makes me happy to know that I will always have that. And I just taught it to Kelly today too :) So now I've passed his trick on.
- I remember him standing around watching, admiring, and commenting on our ceramics as we painted with Grandma during our summer sleepovers. He was always nearby, but not interested enough to do one himself. He was funny like that. He always had nice things to say even though some of them looked more tacky than anything.
- I remember him quilting with us though, when Grandma was making my blanket that she gave me when I left to college. I still have the blanket and can always think of Grandma and Grandpa when I use it. It really did have special meaning knowing that Grandpa had actually picked up a needle and thread to help with it.
- I laugh about how Grandpa used to drive all the way around town just so that he didn't have to make any left turns :) He was a very good driver. Just slow :)
- And of course I can't forget to mention all the songs Grandpa would teach us. Green Eyed Dragon with the Thirteen Tails, Mares Eat Oats, Hut Sut Ralston, Brian O'Lynn (that's the funniest), This Ol' Sow..... I"m sure there's more. But I remember Alicia, Becky and I in the back seat of their car, listening to Grandpa sing the song a few times, then getting out our little notebooks Grandma had given us in our little goodie bags, and writing down all the words to the songs as he would teach them to us, word by word. On the way to Kennecot Copper Mine, or DUP Museum, or even just to Albertson's to pick up some goodies to eat while we watch Parent Trap or Follow That Bird. Those were good times.
- I don't think I'll ever be able to snitch some of the chips or rolls before a meal is served without thinking about Grandpa. He was famous for that. And then saying, "You won't tell the Mrs. now will ya?"
- "Getting Richer by the minute", "Finer than twisted frog's hair", "Christa-poo"
- I still picture him hopping around quickly to grab someone a chair, or to do something to make you more comfortable. Grandpa was always the one to jump up to solve a problem, clean up, or help out. He had a little bounce in his step as he did it.
- I remember always bragging about what a good whistler my Grandpa was. He really was amazing at it. I wish I would have tape recorded him whistling....
- I remember the hours I spent over at their house, teaching Grandma and Grandpa how to use their computer. Grandpa had his little notepad there writing down each step to turn it on, then all of the different buttons in Word. That's all they wanted to use on it, but it took forever to teach them how. And they would call me every once in a while with questions. I loved that. They were both so humble.
- It was really sweet after Erika's blessing, Grandpa insisted on shaking Nate's hand right after so that he could compliment him on such a good blessing. He said he'd never heard such a sweet blessing. He was just so awesome to do that!
- He always hesitated to hold my babies. He was "afraid he'd break them", he said.
- I always asked Grandpa my big Gospel questions. He had been a bishop and obviously stayed very close to the Lord, I considered him just a big fountain of Spiritual knowledge. He really knew a little of everything though, not just spiritual things. He was always digging deeper in to the Air Traffic Control world with Nate. And weather. It was fun to have him remember things that Nate had said at a previous visit and then built on that....
So, I have to type out this whole story of the last 2 days. Saturday morning I got a call from my Mom. She was upset because the CNA had been really obnoxious that morning. Apparently when she got their Grandpa was sleeping. She asked Grandpa why he was sleeping and said, "you're supposed to sleep at night". He proceeded to tell her that he was not sleeping well. So she said, "Ya know what you could do?" and he said, "what", and she said, "you're not gonna like it" and he said, "tell me" and she said, "You could die." Even just typing it it stil rips my heart out to know that someone said that to him!! Well, my mom was pretty upset about it, she had been in the other room and overheard this conversation, and called me on her way to work. Well, I got upset and called the CNA company and complained about the CNA. It was actually a nice conversation, they were very polite, apologized, and then told me that they would stop having her come. I felt good that I had "taken care" of that. But I felt like Grandpa would need some visitors that day, after having such a crappy start to it. So I called and told him we wanted to visit, and bring him dinner. Well, things didn't go as planned that day, we didn't get up getting over there until it was actually dinner time. But we took the food over and prepared it there. So we were able to sit and visit with him for a good two hours. I wish we had stayed just a little longer, but I didn't want him to get overwhelmed with the kids and all. It was such a nice visit though. When I look back on it, I can tell that he was feeling ready to go. We talked a lot about what happens after we die. He had mentioned that he was struggling with some questions he had about the afterlife. He had been pouring over the scriptures and praying for an answer. He told us that the answer he came to was that the Lord would decide. And that the Lord knows each person individually, and there is no checklist of things that we do or don't do, but that our fate is decided by the Lord. He felt very at peace with that answer I could tell. We asked him a few of our questions, he humbly just said that he didn't know, but that he did know that the Lord is in control of it all. It is kind of nice to think about. That we're not judged by someone who doesn't know our true intentions and feelings of our hearts, but by the only one who truly knows us. He was very sweet, very grateful for the dinner. Then on Sunday, after we hurried and ate our dinner (quickly, since we were trying to get up to Nate's family's meeting in time), I had the feeling that rather than eating a second roll-up, I should pack it up with some chips and fruit and take it to Grandpa. It was weird because I was really still hungry and wanted to eat it, but I felt really strongly that we should take it to him. It was tricky too since we were in such a hurry. But luckily, Nate let us stop on our way and I ran in, gave Grandpa the food, and then offered to do anything else he needed done. He mentioned his tv remote was still not working, and I noticed him sitting there in complete silence. I sat down and tried really hard to make it work. I was probably working on it for about 15 minutes and got nothing. He was feeling bad and like he had imposed on me the whole time and kept telling me to go to my family. But I really wanted to help him. And I couldn't help but think that that was the reason I had felt prompted to bring him the lunch. After a few more minutes Charity came in and informed me that Erika had been screaming and that they needed me out there. Grandpa insisted that I go, and I felt the need to take care of Erika, so I left. But I did get to give him a hug goodbye. For the last little while I've had the thought "this might be the last time I get to hug him" when I've said goodbye, so I'm glad I actually took note of that hug. He was very grateful, and so sweet to act like he would be fine without the remote working. Looking back I wonder if that wasn't meant to be that his tv not work. So that he could have some nice quiet time to think and ponder as we have found he did a lot of near the end there. I'm sure Grandma was with him anyway during those last few hours. I feel very blessed to have been with him so recently to his death and to have been able to serve him a little with meals and such during the last little while. I know that I was prompted to do that. And very grateful that I didn't have to feel more guilt than I do about not being there for him enough.
He really hasn't been himself for the last few years.... well, ever since Grandma left. They weren't meant to be apart for long. We all knew that. It was hard for him to let her go because he knew they would be apart for a while. I'm glad that he is with her again. To have the bounce back in his step, the smile on his face, the toot in his whistle :).... it's definitely a blessing. Hopefully he knows I love him and care about him. And hopefully I live a life filled with service and love just as his was, so that I can be with him and Grandma again.
He had a very interesting funeral. Brent says "it was long and dry, just as he would have wanted it". Which makes sense since he planned it all. He had it all planned out before he died I guess. And really, it couldn't have been more like him. Even the opening song "Sweet is the Work" is just like him. He loved the Gospel so much. He loved everything about it and was always showing us his testimony through the way he lived. Not to mention he was such a hard worker. I remember him teaching me the quote (back during the time of my life where I was obsessed with collecting silly little quotes.... he aided in that obsession of course with his Robert L. Evans book....) "Why kill time when you can work it to death?" And he would have totally wanted us thinking about the Gospel and the "work" at his funeral rather than him being gone. He really was that amazing. I loved the Violin/Piano musical number of "Be Still My Soul" very appropriate, and beautiful. And while it was crazy to have all of the grandkids and great-grandkids singing in front of everyone, it was nice to be able to do that for Grandpa.... it's what he wanted.
I did love getting to see my cousins as well. It's too bad that we don't see them more often and under better circumstances, but I can't think of any people I'd rather lose someone with (if you can say that). They're so awesome. I am happy I have this picture of Alicia, Becky and I. They've always had such a special place in my heart. It's nice to have cousins.
I hope Grandpa knows how much I love him and will miss him. He has left a hole in my heart that I'm not sure will go away anytime soon.
I love you, Grandpa!
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